defeated

The title says it all. That's exactly how I felt.  The other day Megan and I went to IF and we were going to fly a kite. That's not how it worked out.  We first found this small, sweet looking kite.  It was the kind that was a half circle at the top and square at the bottom which fanned out into about a dozen tails.  The first hint at disaster should have been recognized upon opening the kite.  It didn't even have string with it so I had to find some on my own, also the only thing to hold its shape was a flimsy, brittle looking stick. 

Needless to say, the kite didn't fly.  In fact it didn't even come close. The kite barely made it out of the back yard before it fell apart.  I mean not only did the stick fall out but the entire tail section of the kite dislocated itself from the rest of the kite. Bogus.  So we went back inside to find another kite.

We then decided to borrow this huge monstrous 3-D kite from my little bro. Colin.  The kite was supposed to look like some kind of kid on a skateboard, but I thought it looked more like a pirate ship, whatever.  The words "some assembly required" don't even begin to represent how difficult this thing was to put together.  The entire kite came smashed in a tube that was about a yard long.  It took entirely too long to put this kite together. Probably close to half and hour.  That's way to long for kite assembly. Not only did it take way too long but it was not easy. I don't know how kids are supposed to be able to do that kind of stuff.

Anyway FF >>>>> now we're at the park and trying to get this kite up and things are not going well.  We spent probably an hour on this kite and I think the longest it was ever in the air at one time was out 45 seconds.  We tried everything to get the kite up and no success. 

Now back to the title. That's how I felt, defeated.  Usually I'm good at most things I do or even try. And I've had a lot of experience flying kites, I'm not exactly a kite rookie. But for some reason there was nothing I could do to get that blasted kite in the air.  And Megan was great, she just laughed a little at the defeated look on my face and cheered me up with a hug.  Oh well maybe next time I'll get a real kite. None of this 3-D or half circle junk, psh.

never enough time

OK. check it. This just happened about 5 minutes ago.
One thing that I know how to do well is procrastinate (don't judge you all do it too). Last night I did my Old Testament homework real late cause that's how I roll. And I went to bed telling myself that I would do my Comm. 111 (Writing for Comm. careers or something like that) homework after my photography lab and before my other classes. My Photo lab was scheduled from 8a.m. 10:30 or something like that and my next class isn't until 12:45. So that should be plenty of time to read a newspaper article and write a paragraph about what I thought about the writing. No big deal.

So I wake up reeeeeeaaaaaaaal early, we're talking 7:15. Ya I know pathetic right. Anyway my tired mind tells me that I'll probably be working with chemicals and it probably isn't a good idea to wear my really nice leather wrist watch. So I grab my $13 rubber ish watch, strap it on and head off to the lab.

Things are going great, we're learning how to wind film onto spools for developing or whatever. Then he goes through the entire process of developing film and using the chemicals and all that jazz so that we know how to do it. I'm not really paying attention to the time at all so I have no clue what time it really is. I'm not even looking at my watch while I'm developing my own film because we have big timer clocks that I'm looking at for time. All I know is that I've been in the lab for a while.

Anyway, by the time I get done with my film I'm headed home and decide to look down at the time. My watch says 11:53. HOLY STAB!!! I have less than an hour get home, read an article, write a paragraph, print it off, and get to class and somewhere in there eat food. I think I'm gonna be rushed. So I book it home, grab a Scroll (school paper) on the way and dash into my room. First thing I do is print off my Old Test. homework from the night before. While that's printing I slap together a pbj and start eating. Then I sat down on my bed with the computer on my lap and the Scroll in my hands and start looking for an article I can read. somewhere in here I glance down at the computer screen and notice that the time says 10:22. That's odd I thought it was about 12:22 by now. Then it hits me. I just got home from Orlando and I havn't worn this watch since I was in Florida. It really was 12:22... in Florida. So now I'm taking a deep breath and eating the last few bites of my pbj. I have 2 more hours to procrastinate doing my homework.

cookies, hot tang and the late night bathroom scandal

This is likely to be random and not make a lot of sense. So last night I was sitting around jammin/getting ready to head out, when I hear a rap-tap-tap on the door. So I got up and answered it. And guess who it was. COOKIES! Ya Cookies. If you know who that is then you know how I felt. I you don't know who I'm talking about I'll try to fill you in. Cookies (obviously a nickname, one which he has no knowledge of) is a CP here He's also in the ward. He is in the top 5 most socially awkward people I've ever been around club. I'm not trying to be a jerk, he's just really that awkward. I don't have time for examples right now.

Anyway he says to me "guess what I did today?"
Me "Held up a 7-11?'
Cookies "Close, I locked myself out of my apt."
Me "Wow, that sucks"
Cookies "Can i sleep on your couch tonight?"
Me "Where's your roommates?"
Cookies "They've gone home already."

Of course my mother taught me better than to just make him sleep in the stairwell so I invite him in. However I'm not about to entertain Cookies for the evening. I explain to him that I was just headed out but he can chill here and watch movies on my laptop or whatever and I'll be back later. PS sorry for the surprise Jordan and Brandon (my roommates). Coming home to Cookies asleep on the couch is probably not your idea of a fun evening.

Anyway so I head over to Jenica's place and we chill and make some delicious food, which was great because I'm out of food and I refuse to buy any between now and when I leave in 4 days. While in the process of making the food we're talking about great things and Tang (it's a kick in the glass) comes up. But not just Tang (it's a kick in the glass) but hot Tang (it's a kick in the hot glass) so delicious. And she had some so we made hot Tang (it's a kick in the hot glass) and drank it and it was super amazing.

We gave some to Jenica's roommate Brittany (shout out) because she's never had Tang (it's a kick in the glass) before. It was great because after the first taste you could tell it was not what she expected. And the only words good enough to describe it were "Tangy" (it's a kick in the glassy)

Fast Forward>>>>>> now I'm in bed asleep and for some reason my roommate is struggling to open the bathroom door. Why is the bathroom door locked and nobodies inside. He tries the "stick a coat hanger in the little hole" bit. That doesn't work. So I get up and try to card the door open. All I did was manage to break my card in half. Sorry Multnomah County, I guess I won't be using your library anymore. Finally we just decide to take the door knob off but in our apt full of guys none of us has a screwdriver. huh!? So we use a butter knife to unscrew the freakin door knob. We don't know how the door ended getting locked because we usually don't even close the door at night. I think we decided to blame Cookies.

what's the deal with buses

This is a shout out to every CP who has ever worked the rediculous 8pm - 4am shift. But even if you have never had the blessed opportunity of experiencing that shift you still might enjoy this.

2 words- Pavlov's Dog. That's what I am. Anytime I get on the bus I'm immediately tired. I don't know what it is but the bus is my bell. And returning home from work at 4 am only makes it worse. The problem is, the last thing I, or anybody, should ever want to do is sleep on these buses.

First of all you don't know what creeps are going to watching/staring at you while you're asleep on the bus. Going along with that people do unattractive things while they sleep. ie: Snoring. Or when your head falls back and your mouth flops open, that's cute. Even worse is the "I'm trying not to fall asleep head nod" which is always accompanied by awkwardly looking around to see if anybody notice, guess what, EVERYBODY noticed. And the worst of all is drooling all over yourself. Any of these are a very real possibility and probability.

Secondly there's always the fear of oversleeping your stop. So you either don't sleep very well because you're waking up at every slight decrease of momentum just to be sure you don't miss your stop. OR...you just konk out and have to hope you wake up in time because if you don't you have to go through stress and waisted time of trying to find out how you're going to get home now without riding the bus for another hour while it to goes around the cycle.

Third and my personal favorite reason why you should never sleep on the bus. The Windows. Every window next to every seat on the bus is coated with some sort of film. A thick layer of grease, oil, hair gel, makeup and whatever else has been coming off of everybodies heads and faces while they sleep on the bus. For some unknown reason it's a great idea to rest your head against the window and take a nap on the way to and from work. Thus despensing a bit of your special head funk for everyone else to enjoy. mmm...sounds good. I don't think that American Coach has ever bothered to clean their buses either because the head funk is always there. And don't think that you can get away with just sleeping against the head rest because it's there too you just can't see it.

So there you have it. Three great reasons why you should never sleep on the bus. No matter how tired you are it's never worth your time. Just wait til you get home and can actually enjoy your sleep without the fear of disease.

the man at Panera (i'll call him Charlie)

My dearest Charlie,

You don't know me but I feel like I really need to say this. I hope you're okay. This is about the time Jenica and I saw you in Panera. You sat in the booth adjacent to our table. You ordered a wonderful looking "You pick 2," soup and sandwich. You also had an amazing looking smoothy, mmmmm...

The moment I saw you I knew something was wrong, you weren't eating your food. The entire time you sat there you were just staring at it with displeasure. Something must have been weighing heavy on your mind because food that grand could never bring displeasure. You were just pushing your soup around in the bowl. You only took one bite of your sandwich. And after every sip of your smoothie you would set it down and push it away is unsatisfied, yet it was the only thing you would return to. Your head was hanging low and the expression on your face almost brought tears to my eyes as well.

We never spoke but you may have heard me mention you to Jenica, "Check out this guy, he looks way depressed." Maybe our whispers weren't hushed enough and you heard us talking about you. I assure you everything we said was out of concern. Your entire time spent in Panera was spent alone, in a corner, with your uneaten spread of delicious.

Then without warning or provocation you got up and left, leaving your food and taking only yourself and the smoothie. It must have brought you temporary solace. At first I thought you were just going to retrieve something from your car and return to finish the meal, but when you got in your car (2008 Ford Mustang, red) and began to pull out, confusion was added to my concern for you.

I never saw you again, I hope nothing drastic has taken place. Maybe some day you can find the peace in your life that will allow you to enjoy the wonderful taste of Panera Bread. Best of luck to you Charlie.

Sincerely and with concern,

Shaun Mayo

P.S. I really wanted to take eat your baguette, but I didn't. I didn't think it would be right.

the quintessential bus stop story (it's long but goooooood)

This is it. The most awkward bus stop experience I've ever had.

I was walking to the bus stop after getting off work and as I did I passed by a man sitting on a bench (we'll call him Trevor) . By the was he was acting and sitting I knew that he was autistic. As I was walking past he offered me the fist, so I pounded it, threw in a "right on" and kept walking. No big deal.

I sat down and proceeded to wait for the bus. A couple minutes later I notice Trevor get up and walk over in my direction and sit down next to me. It's all good I don't mind sitting next to strangers or even making new friends. Trevor must think I'm nice or something for pounding him. Trevor doesn't talk he just makes gestures and throws in a few grunts.

He sits down and gives me the rock so I pound it again. Then he shakes my hand. Then we slide into the hands upward, fingers over the top, bros handshake. So Trevor's got style, cool. Except he doesn't let go of my hand. He then proceeds to kiss my hand. Except he didn't really kiss it. More like he just holds my hand against the lip part of his face. Weird. I'm playing it calm, don't want to make a scene. After about 5 seconds I pull my hand away with a "alright...cool uhhhuhuh." (stalling 1... stalling 2...) Then he hugs me! Ya. As he's hugging me he's also vigorously slapping my back. So I give him a couple slaps on the back and start to push him away a bit. Finally we're just sitting next to each other again. No contact.

So I'm thinking, maybe he's got all the greetings out of the way. WRONG. He pounds me again, then continues with the entire thing all over again. The hand shake, the hand to face, the hug, all of it. So I just kinda roll with it because I don't know this guy, I don't want him to freak out and start yelling and make a scene or something if I refuse to shake his hand. After about 3 of these close introduction cycles I start praying that my bus will come reeeeeeeeal soon. He tries to shake my hand a fouth time and that's when I'm not cool with it anymore so I try to distract him. I start asking questions.
"Is that your lunch box, whathca got in there?"
"Cool notepad, what's it for?"
Nothing phases him he still really want to shake my hand. And he won't let go, and he's got a really strong grip. So I'm pulling my hand away but not to hard cause I don't want to hurt or upset him. He ignores all my quetions until "I like your braclet, what is it?" That got his attention. He then notices that I'm wearing a braclet too. And he tries to take. Ahhh, don't mess with my hemp.

I pull my hands away and look for something to keep them busy so he won't touch them anymore. So I pull out my cell phone and pretend like I'me texting. This time when he tries to shake my hand I'm "busy" and I tell him I can't shake right now.

-Sidenote- the entire time I'm honestly thinking 2 things
1. What would Jesus do in this situation?
2. When is my bus coming?

Pretty soon he stops trying to hold my hand and settles for just hugging me and laying his head on my should while my hands are at my side and I'm staring straight ahead. Then in one swift motion he grabs his stuff (lunch box and notepad) and walks to the LYNX bus, shows the driver his notepad and gets on. Just like that it was over. Gone. I was left feeling very confused. I glanced around for a minute and wondered what everyone around me was thinking. Then I decided I needed to wash my hands real quick before my bus came. So I did.

Yaahahah

what are we teaching our kids

The other day I was at work, as I often do, and I had another one of those great "some people are so stupid" experiences. There was a young family waiting to board the monorail and as they waited they were talking about stuff that I didn't really care about. The mother decided to quiz her 4 ish year old daughter on where they had parked the car. The thought for a second and replied that they had parked in 11. That was right, what a smart child. The mother decided that that wasn't enough and was going to ensure that her daughter didn't forget where they had parked. So, the mother decided to do some kind of word game thing to help them remember.

The mother pointed out that 11 also happens to be located in Pluto. And that's when she proceeded to make the connections. That's when it all went down hill. She said that Pluto was also the furthest planet from the sun. FALSE. But I will give her a break because Pluto used to be a planet but is now considered a planetoid or some suedo planet thing. There may be a lot of people who don't know that that was changed so I will cut her some slack on that.

The next thing she said is what really got me. And I knew it was coming, I don't know if it was by revelation, a gut feeling, or some kind of Miss Cleo foresight but I knew what she was going to say next. She then said that 9 and 11 are both prime numbers. NOOOOO!!! So they are parked in the prime numberest planet parking area. WHAT!!! 9 is not, has never been and will never be a prime number. Fortunetly she did catch herself about 35 seconds later, but she jsut mumbled to herself that 9 wasn't a prime number and didn't really say anything to her daughter.

Hopfully that little girl doesn't remember that conversation for the rest of her life and hopfully she doesn't grow up under the false idea that 9 is prime. And hopfully her mother will figure out that Pluto is no longer a planet.