My dearest Charlie,
You don't know me but I feel like I really need to say this. I hope you're okay. This is about the time Jenica and I saw you in Panera. You sat in the booth adjacent to our table. You ordered a wonderful looking "You pick 2," soup and sandwich. You also had an amazing looking smoothy, mmmmm...
The moment I saw you I knew something was wrong, you weren't eating your food. The entire time you sat there you were just staring at it with displeasure. Something must have been weighing heavy on your mind because food that grand could never bring displeasure. You were just pushing your soup around in the bowl. You only took one bite of your sandwich. And after every sip of your smoothie you would set it down and push it away is unsatisfied, yet it was the only thing you would return to. Your head was hanging low and the expression on your face almost brought tears to my eyes as well.
We never spoke but you may have heard me mention you to Jenica, "Check out this guy, he looks way depressed." Maybe our whispers weren't hushed enough and you heard us talking about you. I assure you everything we said was out of concern. Your entire time spent in Panera was spent alone, in a corner, with your uneaten spread of delicious.
Then without warning or provocation you got up and left, leaving your food and taking only yourself and the smoothie. It must have brought you temporary solace. At first I thought you were just going to retrieve something from your car and return to finish the meal, but when you got in your car (2008 Ford Mustang, red) and began to pull out, confusion was added to my concern for you.
I never saw you again, I hope nothing drastic has taken place. Maybe some day you can find the peace in your life that will allow you to enjoy the wonderful taste of Panera Bread. Best of luck to you Charlie.
Sincerely and with concern,
Shaun Mayo
P.S. I really wanted to take eat your baguette, but I didn't. I didn't think it would be right.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
the quintessential bus stop story (it's long but goooooood)
This is it. The most awkward bus stop experience I've ever had.
I was walking to the bus stop after getting off work and as I did I passed by a man sitting on a bench (we'll call him Trevor) . By the was he was acting and sitting I knew that he was autistic. As I was walking past he offered me the fist, so I pounded it, threw in a "right on" and kept walking. No big deal.
I sat down and proceeded to wait for the bus. A couple minutes later I notice Trevor get up and walk over in my direction and sit down next to me. It's all good I don't mind sitting next to strangers or even making new friends. Trevor must think I'm nice or something for pounding him. Trevor doesn't talk he just makes gestures and throws in a few grunts.
He sits down and gives me the rock so I pound it again. Then he shakes my hand. Then we slide into the hands upward, fingers over the top, bros handshake. So Trevor's got style, cool. Except he doesn't let go of my hand. He then proceeds to kiss my hand. Except he didn't really kiss it. More like he just holds my hand against the lip part of his face. Weird. I'm playing it calm, don't want to make a scene. After about 5 seconds I pull my hand away with a "alright...cool uhhhuhuh." (stalling 1... stalling 2...) Then he hugs me! Ya. As he's hugging me he's also vigorously slapping my back. So I give him a couple slaps on the back and start to push him away a bit. Finally we're just sitting next to each other again. No contact.
So I'm thinking, maybe he's got all the greetings out of the way. WRONG. He pounds me again, then continues with the entire thing all over again. The hand shake, the hand to face, the hug, all of it. So I just kinda roll with it because I don't know this guy, I don't want him to freak out and start yelling and make a scene or something if I refuse to shake his hand. After about 3 of these close introduction cycles I start praying that my bus will come reeeeeeeeal soon. He tries to shake my hand a fouth time and that's when I'm not cool with it anymore so I try to distract him. I start asking questions.
"Is that your lunch box, whathca got in there?"
"Cool notepad, what's it for?"
Nothing phases him he still really want to shake my hand. And he won't let go, and he's got a really strong grip. So I'm pulling my hand away but not to hard cause I don't want to hurt or upset him. He ignores all my quetions until "I like your braclet, what is it?" That got his attention. He then notices that I'm wearing a braclet too. And he tries to take. Ahhh, don't mess with my hemp.
I pull my hands away and look for something to keep them busy so he won't touch them anymore. So I pull out my cell phone and pretend like I'me texting. This time when he tries to shake my hand I'm "busy" and I tell him I can't shake right now.
-Sidenote- the entire time I'm honestly thinking 2 things
1. What would Jesus do in this situation?
2. When is my bus coming?
Pretty soon he stops trying to hold my hand and settles for just hugging me and laying his head on my should while my hands are at my side and I'm staring straight ahead. Then in one swift motion he grabs his stuff (lunch box and notepad) and walks to the LYNX bus, shows the driver his notepad and gets on. Just like that it was over. Gone. I was left feeling very confused. I glanced around for a minute and wondered what everyone around me was thinking. Then I decided I needed to wash my hands real quick before my bus came. So I did.
Yaahahah
I was walking to the bus stop after getting off work and as I did I passed by a man sitting on a bench (we'll call him Trevor) . By the was he was acting and sitting I knew that he was autistic. As I was walking past he offered me the fist, so I pounded it, threw in a "right on" and kept walking. No big deal.
I sat down and proceeded to wait for the bus. A couple minutes later I notice Trevor get up and walk over in my direction and sit down next to me. It's all good I don't mind sitting next to strangers or even making new friends. Trevor must think I'm nice or something for pounding him. Trevor doesn't talk he just makes gestures and throws in a few grunts.
He sits down and gives me the rock so I pound it again. Then he shakes my hand. Then we slide into the hands upward, fingers over the top, bros handshake. So Trevor's got style, cool. Except he doesn't let go of my hand. He then proceeds to kiss my hand. Except he didn't really kiss it. More like he just holds my hand against the lip part of his face. Weird. I'm playing it calm, don't want to make a scene. After about 5 seconds I pull my hand away with a "alright...cool uhhhuhuh." (stalling 1... stalling 2...) Then he hugs me! Ya. As he's hugging me he's also vigorously slapping my back. So I give him a couple slaps on the back and start to push him away a bit. Finally we're just sitting next to each other again. No contact.
So I'm thinking, maybe he's got all the greetings out of the way. WRONG. He pounds me again, then continues with the entire thing all over again. The hand shake, the hand to face, the hug, all of it. So I just kinda roll with it because I don't know this guy, I don't want him to freak out and start yelling and make a scene or something if I refuse to shake his hand. After about 3 of these close introduction cycles I start praying that my bus will come reeeeeeeeal soon. He tries to shake my hand a fouth time and that's when I'm not cool with it anymore so I try to distract him. I start asking questions.
"Is that your lunch box, whathca got in there?"
"Cool notepad, what's it for?"
Nothing phases him he still really want to shake my hand. And he won't let go, and he's got a really strong grip. So I'm pulling my hand away but not to hard cause I don't want to hurt or upset him. He ignores all my quetions until "I like your braclet, what is it?" That got his attention. He then notices that I'm wearing a braclet too. And he tries to take. Ahhh, don't mess with my hemp.
I pull my hands away and look for something to keep them busy so he won't touch them anymore. So I pull out my cell phone and pretend like I'me texting. This time when he tries to shake my hand I'm "busy" and I tell him I can't shake right now.
-Sidenote- the entire time I'm honestly thinking 2 things
1. What would Jesus do in this situation?
2. When is my bus coming?
Pretty soon he stops trying to hold my hand and settles for just hugging me and laying his head on my should while my hands are at my side and I'm staring straight ahead. Then in one swift motion he grabs his stuff (lunch box and notepad) and walks to the LYNX bus, shows the driver his notepad and gets on. Just like that it was over. Gone. I was left feeling very confused. I glanced around for a minute and wondered what everyone around me was thinking. Then I decided I needed to wash my hands real quick before my bus came. So I did.
Yaahahah
Saturday, March 7, 2009
what are we teaching our kids
The other day I was at work, as I often do, and I had another one of those great "some people are so stupid" experiences. There was a young family waiting to board the monorail and as they waited they were talking about stuff that I didn't really care about. The mother decided to quiz her 4 ish year old daughter on where they had parked the car. The thought for a second and replied that they had parked in 11. That was right, what a smart child. The mother decided that that wasn't enough and was going to ensure that her daughter didn't forget where they had parked. So, the mother decided to do some kind of word game thing to help them remember.
The mother pointed out that 11 also happens to be located in Pluto. And that's when she proceeded to make the connections. That's when it all went down hill. She said that Pluto was also the furthest planet from the sun. FALSE. But I will give her a break because Pluto used to be a planet but is now considered a planetoid or some suedo planet thing. There may be a lot of people who don't know that that was changed so I will cut her some slack on that.
The next thing she said is what really got me. And I knew it was coming, I don't know if it was by revelation, a gut feeling, or some kind of Miss Cleo foresight but I knew what she was going to say next. She then said that 9 and 11 are both prime numbers. NOOOOO!!! So they are parked in the prime numberest planet parking area. WHAT!!! 9 is not, has never been and will never be a prime number. Fortunetly she did catch herself about 35 seconds later, but she jsut mumbled to herself that 9 wasn't a prime number and didn't really say anything to her daughter.
Hopfully that little girl doesn't remember that conversation for the rest of her life and hopfully she doesn't grow up under the false idea that 9 is prime. And hopfully her mother will figure out that Pluto is no longer a planet.
The mother pointed out that 11 also happens to be located in Pluto. And that's when she proceeded to make the connections. That's when it all went down hill. She said that Pluto was also the furthest planet from the sun. FALSE. But I will give her a break because Pluto used to be a planet but is now considered a planetoid or some suedo planet thing. There may be a lot of people who don't know that that was changed so I will cut her some slack on that.
The next thing she said is what really got me. And I knew it was coming, I don't know if it was by revelation, a gut feeling, or some kind of Miss Cleo foresight but I knew what she was going to say next. She then said that 9 and 11 are both prime numbers. NOOOOO!!! So they are parked in the prime numberest planet parking area. WHAT!!! 9 is not, has never been and will never be a prime number. Fortunetly she did catch herself about 35 seconds later, but she jsut mumbled to herself that 9 wasn't a prime number and didn't really say anything to her daughter.
Hopfully that little girl doesn't remember that conversation for the rest of her life and hopfully she doesn't grow up under the false idea that 9 is prime. And hopfully her mother will figure out that Pluto is no longer a planet.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
dont be scared
This just happened.
I don't know if you even have those times when you have to take a moment and honestly think about why something came to your mind. I do. I honestly wonder what my mind is thinking sometimes.
I was doing laundry today and as I was going to pull my clothes out of the top half of stacked dryers it happened. I opened the dryer door and looked in, I saw the clothes in the dryer appeared to be trembling as if with fear and I thought to myself "why are my clothes scared?"
They were just sitting there shacking. Maybe they were afraid to leave the warmth of the dryer and enter into the cold, damp, dark air of my laundry bag. Maybe they were afraid of being dropped onto the floor below and thus becoming prematurely soiled. Or maybe it was the thought of being moved again after they had just gotten comfortable. It could have been any of these things that caused my laundry to tremble but I really think it was just the movement of the dryer they were on top of that caused them to shake slightly.
So ya, I stared at my clothes and wondered what was scaring them when it was really just someone elses quarters being put to good use. But I'm gonna pretend that they were scared. For some reason it makes me happy to think that my clothes have emotion and that I was there to witness their moment of fear.
Whatever. Don't ask me why I was thinking that or what I'm thinking now for that matter.
I don't know if you even have those times when you have to take a moment and honestly think about why something came to your mind. I do. I honestly wonder what my mind is thinking sometimes.
I was doing laundry today and as I was going to pull my clothes out of the top half of stacked dryers it happened. I opened the dryer door and looked in, I saw the clothes in the dryer appeared to be trembling as if with fear and I thought to myself "why are my clothes scared?"
They were just sitting there shacking. Maybe they were afraid to leave the warmth of the dryer and enter into the cold, damp, dark air of my laundry bag. Maybe they were afraid of being dropped onto the floor below and thus becoming prematurely soiled. Or maybe it was the thought of being moved again after they had just gotten comfortable. It could have been any of these things that caused my laundry to tremble but I really think it was just the movement of the dryer they were on top of that caused them to shake slightly.
So ya, I stared at my clothes and wondered what was scaring them when it was really just someone elses quarters being put to good use. But I'm gonna pretend that they were scared. For some reason it makes me happy to think that my clothes have emotion and that I was there to witness their moment of fear.
Whatever. Don't ask me why I was thinking that or what I'm thinking now for that matter.
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